for a minute there, i lost myself.

if, as i have argued, the emotional trajectory of one's life can be charted or conceptualized as a sine curve (sin(1)), mine peaked (or troughed) somewhere in thailand. it seemed as if i reached my limit - the desperation, the complete and constant excess, the constant adrenaline finally wore me down, and i feel like i came home with a little bit of a different perspective on things, on my time here, on where i'm going and where i've been.

maybe now i'm ready to come back down to earth again, to reclaim some part of the identity i so effortless cast away. when i got here, i wanted to test the waters, to push the envelope, to be a different person than i had been before. and i did, and i liked it, i liked what i saw. but only to a point. maybe my attitude in asia has been a bit of an overcompensation for all the things i "wasn't" in the past. and now i want to find a balance. i'm not "done," you know, but i'm conscious of it, i'm awake, i'm ready to stop dreaming and start living again.