"what's the capital of thailand?"

"BANGKOK!" **punches friend in the dick really hard**

or, conversely, "hey simon, when does our flight for, um, where are we going again?" having already received a "DP" from paul in tokyo, i was constantly on guard.

because i only speak in superlatives, it can be difficult for me to express my true feelings about things. i once famously proclaimed (upon leaving the theatre) that "the 13th warrior" was a "top 10 movie of all time" because someone got a bag put over their head and then got stabbed in the face (all in one really swift, really awesome move). that said,

bangkok is my new all-time favorite city in the world. actually, los angeles is still my favorite city, but bangkok fucking rules. except, the thing is, bangkok also fucking sucks. so this is where i get into trouble - not only can i not rate/rank my favorite cities (they each offer something unique and awesome), i can't even singularly characterize bangkok.

we arrived at about 5pm on a thursday. in the cab from the airport, i couldn't figure out why it was so dark outside, because it was still kind of sunny. as we pulled onto the gridlocked expressway, i suddenly realized that it was not dark, but "hazy." worse than LA on it's worst day. worse than, i can only hope, mexico fucking city. so smoggy it was cloudy.



as we snaked into town (slowly, but only because of the traffic. on the way back to the airport our taxi driver was pushing 120. mph, that is. not kph. and we were still getting passed by dudes in benzes and shit), i got a decent first look at the landscape. it was like beirut meets tokyo. hard early 70's architecture, fading paint everywhere, crumbling, dead, soulless buildings. aged infrastructure, little to no civic planning or organization. however, out of this quasi-rubble rose all these awesome new tall glass skyscrapers and new, well designed buildings. that was my first glimpse of the complete paradox that is bangkok.



as an aside, i've always read that the collapse of the thai economy in the late 90's precipitated, and significantly contributed to, the worldwide economic traumas of the late 90's and early 00's. i've also always read that things got unbelievably bad in thailand at that time - like people were completely penniless. not having known that, i would have been totally unprepeared for what i saw while i was there. there were plenty of old crumbling empty buildings, but there were also, and i'm still taken aback at this, all these really new, really nice skyscrapers that were falling apart. you could tell that they had been built within the past 20 years, and several of them looked newer than that. they had a bunch of windows broken out, parts were falling off of them, some looked like they had been hit with bombs. it was kind of like the city in "12 monkeys" or in "A.I." i want to buy one and live in it.

i saw an elephant walking down the highway. you might laugh, as i did, until i tell you that i saw this on three separate occasions. and it wasn't the same elephant. there are no cross walks, so you have to dart across the street frogger-style, praying that you don't get nailed by a motorcycle. the whole city smells like an open sewer because they dump their unprocessed sewage into the river (where people bathe and do their laundry).

as i would come to find out, bangkok is a city in flux. it's trying to change itself from an also-ran to an asian capital, and i was impressed and inspired by the progress i saw. the thai people, from what i saw, are incredibly dynamic. by day bangkok is a hot, filthy, smelly, oppressive city. i could barely stand to be out during the day, and i rarely was. armed with a new york times article titled "to be young and hip in bangkok," i hit siam square, the harajuku of bangkok, and a few other hotspots. i did my research online during the day at the hotel and found the hip, tourist-free nightspots. (fuck guidebooks - they are so worthless, unless you're interested in totally hanging out with non-natives).

speaking of "young and hip," i was blown away by thai youth culture. bangkok can be an awful place, but the kids i saw and met were so upbeat. they live in a gross, ugly city, but they find the energy and the inspiration and the will to overcome it. at night these kids came out in droves. they were incredibly attractive, well dressed (more stylish than the japanese, or so i would argue), and jubilant. everyone i met, from the hottest girl in a bar to the most popular dude there, was super nice to me. they were excited to be...i don't even know what they were excited about...but they were excited. and they're building a scene. it was one of the most exciting things i've been witness to in my life. i hope they pull it off.

we hit a few cool spots, but as the trip drew to a close we were all wearing down. paul had food poisoning and was bed ridden. jason was out and about sightseeing mostly, and simon and i were out of gas. we drank A LOT of scotch in the hotel bar while listening to the neil diamond cover band and flirting with the waitresses. it was on the 28th floor or something, and the whole thing was very "lost in translation."



in the end i was tired and broke and ready to come home. i missed the cosmopolitan chic of tokyo. i was tired of the heat and the smell. i was tired of bartering. i was worn down. and that's why i'm so taken with thai youth - because, from all i saw, they aren't worn down. and they live it every day.

in 10 years i think bangkok will be the new hong kong. i think thai girls are the new japanese girls. thai companies are already globally legitimate. things are looking up, and i hope the city continues to develop. maybe one day i'll be back to find out.